In the late summer of 2012 we had a new shiny and extra-efficient woodstove installed with a big blower in it. That fall was also quite warm, so using the new woodstove (which I was quite proud of) we were able to not turn on the actual house furnace until December 9th! Sure, several mornings were 51 degrees, but we got dressed and went to work and as soon as I came home I started a fire and warmed the place up.  We planned on leaving the furnace on 55 when we eventually turned it on anyway to allow the woodstove to provide the extra umph, so this didn’t seem like a huge deal to me. Also, Mindy was totally on board with this endeavor. Completely! She loved it!  Uhhh..yeah…sooooo anyway, I was shocked that we had been able to wait so long to turn on the furnace and just figured that would be the standard thing from now on.

Then, in the fall of 2013, I watched the house temperature spiral down like water into a sinkhole. I wailed unto the heavens to make it stop! I crammed the woodstove with so much gnarly, dense oak and hickory I expected to melt the steel (seriously, I called the company because I was nervous but it was all good)…alas, I lost that battle in mid-November and hung my head in shame.  It wasn’t that I didn’t beat my record, it was that I didn’t even seem to show up to the game!  Pathetic.

That winter ended up being the coldest of my life in this area so I felt like it was just a one-off kind of deal. “It’s cool, man, that was just a terrible winter that came straight from the icy heart of Beelzebub and Jack Frost’s love child”. (His name is Jack Bub and he’s actually an alright dude once you get him drunk).

But then last fall, the same damn thing happened! They were talking about an El Nino forming but that just dissolved and then I watched the house temperature fall down and down like a colorful slinky on an escalator.  The daytime highs just weren’t enough to offset the night-time lows. Then it snowed in mid-November and my will broke.  We don’t typically get snow in the fall.  I clicked on the house furnace only 2 days into November.  2 DAYS!  But I figured maybe we were going to have another insanely cold winter…Nope.

In December it warmed up to above normal temps, but the furnace was already on.  The battle had been lost.  It was the ultimate insult.  It was mama-nature saying “Hey, screw off, ya hoser”.  I shattered my Galileo thermometer and tossed the colorful, liquid-filled balls into the bleak sky in disgust (then I ran because gravity is a son of a bitch, I was more than a little drunk and shouldn’t have been standing in the street throwing things at clouds as if they gave a shit).

But this year….oh this year, my friends! I watched the southern oscillation build back in June and I was hopeful. Sure, these sorts of things wreak havoc upon the world but it’s not like I can stop it so don’t give me any grief.   In August talk of El Nino became greater and greater and I grinned like the Grinch.  Would it happen this year?  Was redemption in the cards for me?  Success!  In October it was a done deal! The warm water was in place. It had not collapsed as it had the year before. I had some promises to honor. Certain deals were made and I was not one to cross Jack Bub.  I don’t even think Bender has a soul, he won’t miss it.

Anyhoodle, today is December 10th and it hit 70 degrees. My gorgeous wife–again, she is totally on board with this–has barely complained about the house temp at all and that was back when it is 25 degrees outside for a few days. Hell, I think I can push this. In 15 days it’s Christmas and I’ll have a bunch of people at my house…all those 100 degree bio-organic heaters walking around and spreading warmth…plus I’ll have the woodstove blaring….I mean, with that kind of heat, plus being off for that whole week between the holidays and having fires all day long….yeah….I bet we can make it until the new year! Mindy will be so excited!!!